"Well, this is the worst possible moment that this could happen…"
I was kneeling on my bed, eyes wide, shaking from shock as it hit me that I wasn't only feeling nauseated--I had just thrown up.
6:40 am. Saturday morning. 20 minutes before my alarm was to go off. 20 minutes before I was supposed roll of out bed and get ready to spend the day at work. But my body didn't seem to understand this. It had completely and utterly rebelled against me.
But honestly, the first thing that ran through my mind was not missing work and thus not earning as large a needed paycheck. The first thing I thought was, "how on earth am I going to finish everything for the campaign???"
It ran through my mind as my mom took my sheets downstairs to be washed, as I curled up in a cocoon on the couch, and as I stared mindlessly at the television trying not to die of boredom. It ran through my mind as I woke up the next morning still feel as terrible as ever.
That whole weekend I was consumed with worry. Even when I mustered up the strength to turn on my laptop (thank goodness for them!!) and type things up to print I couldn't help but worry. How on earth am I going to get this done on time?? More than once, I had to nearly physically stop myself from calling Ben and telling him I couldn't do it. I couldn't finish everything. I had let him down. He'd have to find a new campaign manager.
But every time I wanted to, I just couldn't. Why? Pride. Plain and simple, I didn't want to hurt my pride.
But that didn't stop my from worrying. All day long, all night long my thoughts and dreams were consumed with the idea that I was a failure. That I couldn't do it. That I was not good enough to do it all.
I allowed myself to be consumed with worry. Even as I was able to make progress in my projects, I couldn't help but continue to tell myself that there was no way I was going to be able to get it all done.
I really don't remember much of what went on during those four days. Everything blended together. I know what I did, but can't tell you what day or at what time. I don't know if it's because my brain was fried or because I was unnecessarily stressing myself out. But at some point, something clicked in me.
I was scrolling through Facebook, when a post caught my eye.
Be careful for nothing;
but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving
let your requests be made known unto God.
Be careful for nothing.
In that moment, it seemed as if God was popping me upside the head whilst saying, "C'mon Rose! Stop worrying! I've got this!"
Who am I to worry?
God's Word states clearly that God has a purpose and a plan in everything. And everything includes getting sick one week before one the biggest weeks of the year.
Today was completely clear proof of this.
I woke up this morning feeling 100%. I didn't have a single stomachache or bout of vertigo all day. I'm sitting here, typing this, feeling just fine. I got a ton done with the campaign, and plan to continue to do so once this post is done.
But what made the difference?
I let go, and let God.
1 Peter 5:7
Casting all your care upon Him;
for He careth for you.