Monday, September 20, 2010

Life's Disappointments

Life is full of disappointments. We've all been disappointed in one way or another. Usually more than once.

I've been told a time or two before that I take disappointment well. Maybe I do on the outside. But whenever I hear that, I wonder if they would still say so if they saw what was going on in my mind. As soon as I begin to realize I'm being let down, a battle begins. Questions race through my mind.

What did I do wrong?

Do they hate me now?

And most prominent... Why did they lead me on like this?

But there's something God's been teaching me about disappointments. Something that has helped me take disappointments very well. On the inside as well as the outside.

Disappointments are a part of life. People aren't perfect. God has a plan in every circumstance. Maybe I'm being disappointed because whatever is being taken away from isn't part of God's plan for my life.

Sometimes we decide to do things in a moment of excitement. Adrenaline decisions, I like to call them. They could be big, fun, amazing things. But often, we don't step back to think, "Is this what God wants me doing with my life?" Whatever it is isn't necessarily a bad thing. It could be a very wonderful thing. But if it isn't part of God's plan for your life, it might as well be sinning. There are so many wonderful things in life that are out there for us to do. But we simply can't "do it all". That's why God made every person unique. So that we could each do one or two of those amazing things. And then, they all get done.

Besides, if we all did the same thing, life would be boring and predictable. The fun part about life is that everyone does different things. That's why life is so exciting and unpredictable!

A smart person once told me something. He said, "One definition of failure is succeeding in something you were never supposed to accomplish in the first place." 

Lets just say I've been chewing on it off and on for a while.

So, you know those big plans you had for your life? Those are fabulous. But you know what? Unless they're God's plan, they will never feel exactly right. You'll always be chasing after wind, wondering where you went wrong, and why things aren't working out.

Wondering with all your heart why you're being disappointed again and again and again.

God's plan for your life is the perfect plan for you.

And you know what?

Sometimes, we get disappointed so we can be reappointed in God's perfect plan.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Writer's Block

My mind feels like exploding.

I have so much that's been running through my mind, but nothing feels right.

I whip out my journal, thinking I've found something perfect.

But I only get two pages down before the vein that had tapped itself into my heart dies.

And everything is left in the dust.

I wish I knew where my inspiration went.

I'm sure every writer goes through time like this...but it's so frustrating!

Nothing flows right, ideas seem flat..

I know my posts have been few and far between lately, but between life and this crazy block building up in my mind, I haven't had time to produce anything.

Sure, I could write updates on my life or something, but even those seems flat, boring, and out of place.

But it's not like I haven't been pondering life in my usual way. I just haven't been able to let my ponderings flow out onto paper (or blog post in this case..). My mind is bursting forth with a thousand million thoughts, and not one of them is flowing the way I want them too. So, here are some random quotes that have been getting me thinking lately.

Maybe they'll get you thinking too.

One definiton of failure is succeeding at something you were never called to accomplish in the first place.

Everyone holds a story in their heart, but not everyone's is going to get out.

God will provide what you need right when you need. And it will come in the most unexpected form.

If there is anything you would like to see me write about, I would love to hear about it! If you're reading this, you most likely know me personally, meaning you have some way of contacting me. If not, leave a comment! 

Hope you have a blessed day!


Saturday, September 11, 2010

[Never Forget]

I knew something was different about the day. Something that had gone wrong? I couldn't put my finger on it. I went to PE with the rest of my third grade class. But when my PE teacher sat us down on the bleachers instead of giving us laps, that feeling that something was wrong doubled. There were tears in sweet Mrs. Garrison's eyes as she told us that something very, very sad had happened. Some bad men had knocked down two very important buildings in New York City and killed many, many people. Being only 7, I didn't fully understand what this meant. But what I did understand was that it was bad. Very bad. I can't remember if we even did PE class that day. But I do remember feeling like someone had thrown a wet blanket over the day. All the teachers and older kids were crying.

Not long after PE, my class and I were back in our classroom. All of a sudden, my mom came bursting through the door, looking slightly panic stricken. I can't clearly remember all that happened next. From what I can remember, she looked at my teacher, nodded, and told me firmly that we had to go. I was confused. Leaving before school got out? I only did that when I was sick. I saw my younger brother behind my mom, with his backpack loaded with books. Confusion welling in on all sides, I saw my teacher packing up my backpack with assignments. "Will three days be enough?" she asked my mom. My mom nodded and helped me put my backpack on and then hurried me out of the classroom and into the parking lot into our waiting car.

I think maybe at this point I started connecting what my PE teacher had said with what was going on now. I asked my mom what was going on as we left the parking lot. "They're closing up the base," she said. "We won't be able to get in or out once they do. You'll have to do school at home for the rest of the week." My brother and I squirmed with delight at the thought of doing school at home. No more gettin up at 6:30 every morning! Our excitement soon diminished when we realized that our mom was really upset. The rest of the ride home was silent.

Until we got to the base.

The place was a madhouse. We waited a very, very long time to even get into the base. When we finally reached our house, my mom got a phone call that prompted her to hussle us all back into the car and go to the Commissary. I don't know why, but everyone was buying food. I think they were going to close the Commissary and other on base stores as well. Whatever it was, I had never seen the Commissary so crowded.

Everything else is a blur. When we got home, my mom cried. Alot. I don't know when my dad got home, but he was upset too. I don't really know if he cried. I was so scared. What could have happened to make my parents and all the grown-ups and big kids so upset? My seven-year-old mind couldn't comprehend it. Maybe that was for the best.

I can't remember when everything fell into place in my mind about 9/11 and what happened that terrible day. I know it took a couple years at least. But I know one thing. No matter how old I get, or where I go in life, I will never, ever forget 9/11. I won't forget that even now, we battling hard against terrorists. Terrorists who seek to destroy our country. But who won't succeed. Becuase no matter how tragic 9/11 was, it proved one thing.

America may get knocked down, but she will always get back up. Every citizen of America will support one another through tragedy and triumph. They will hold each other as they cry and celebrate every joy. God has given us a patriotic spirit that cannot be broken.

God always has, and may He always continue to bless America.

Friday, September 10, 2010

What is Love?

Yesterday, I posted this question on my Facebook page, asking my friends to sum it up in one sentence if they could.

I have a theory. That theory is, every single person in the world perceives love in a different way. In some instances, the differences could be slight, but they're still there. Every single person's life plays out differently. Even twins have differences in how their lives play out. From the minute we are born we begin establishing our worldview and it never stops growing and changing until the day we die. What happens to us, how we react to things, how we are raised, and who we are around determines how we perceive the world.

This includes how we perceive love.

I received about nine responses to the question posted on my Facebook page. I'll list these responses, along with the responders' name, age, and maybe a bit of background information about them.

Love is the willingness (if necessary) to die for a person, an object, or an idea. --Jonathan Sloat (age, 19; Christian; Republican; involved in TeenPact; lives WA state)

It's not only thinking about the recipient of that love, but it's not thinking about yourself at all. --Hope Martin (age, aprox 15 or 16; Christian; involved in TeenPact; lives in VA)

Love is the feeling you get when you smell a Qudoba beef burrito. --Isaac Sloat (age, 17; Christian; Republican; involved in TeenPact; lives in WA state; professional goof-ball)

Love is having a love for someone that's unconditional. --Will Barnes (age, aprox 14; Christian; Independant; lives in WA state, formerly from SC)

Love, boundless and free. Jesus came for you and for me. It is love, love, love. --Mrs. Kyeong Fischer (a mom; Christian; Conservative; eldest child is a freshman in college, other child in highschool; lives in MI)

John 15:13 - Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. --Grace Bartels (age, 18; Christian; involved in TeenPact; lives in WA)

God is love. --Katy James (age, aprox 15; Christian; involved in TeenPact; lives in WY)

The absence of hate. --Logan Denlinger (age, 16; Christian; raised in formerly German Baptist Home; lives in WA state)

The ability to be able to put up with the other person's B.S. --Rico Haney (a dad; four children; lives in Oregon)

It's true, many of these responses can all be grouped into a category, but they all have differences. Many of those who responded all agree that God holds the one true love. But thoughts on what love is seems to come in many forms and ideas. I believe strongly that love is a choice. Many would agree with me. But when it comes to an act of love or showing love, it all branches to different ideas and perceptions.

The greatest example of love is, like I said before, God. We should all strive to imitate His perfect love.

Love that holds no conditions.
Love this is boundless.
Love that holds grace.
Love that holds no hate.
Love that does not think of self.
Love that sacrifices one's own wants so that another can be happy.
True love.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

As the Summer Light is Fading..[part 2]

Well, the fair is over. I had a blast. I made new friends, hung out with old friends, rode the rides, won ribbons, took pictures, ate a minimal amount of fair food, and functioned on very little sleep. As I am doing right now. ::sighs::

But really.

The fair was amazing. Definitely the best fair I've ever had. It leaves me excited for next year.


There won't be a next year.

Because I'll be at college.

Time sure does fly when you're having fun.

I will really, really miss participating in the fair as a 4-H'er. Getting up at six am to feed my animals, hanging out all day, sunburning within an inch of my life, showing my goats, displaying my photos, spending endless hours with my friends...all of it. I won't be able to attend for at least six years.

Maybe more.

And when I come back, I'll be an adult. I won't be in 4-H.

It's weird to think about.

Some of the funniest memories I've had have come from my years participating in the fair. Here are some of my favorite quotes/memories from the week...

Will and I switching names and insisting that everyone call us by our "new" names.

Buying aviators with Dylan, Will, Kiba, and Burke and then asking the operator (who spoke very little English) of the stand to take our picture together.

"Dylan, can I mug you?" --Kiba and me

"Christian side hug!! ONE! TWO! THREE!" --Dylan and me

My goat eating a cost sheet while I attempt to give my sharing activity.

Cutting clovers the night before the fair.

"We's dun bin edjumacated down in Wyomin'!" --The goat judge relaying her experiences judging at the Wyoming state fair

"I gotta tell ya...she's weird! And I've seen weird!" --A carnie in reference to Nicole

"Look, kids! Teenagers in their natural habitat!" --A random dad to his kids when Val, Emma F, and Nicole were taking a nap in the sleeping area

(A mom and her two kids start looking at the goats..)
Four-year-old girl: look, mommy, look! PIGS!
Mom: No honey, those aren't pigs..
Nine-year-old boy: they're SHEEP!

"What are steers?" --random girl

"Pick your stranger!" --Me, Emma F, and Emma K

"This is getting uncomfortable.."
"Ya, it is..."
"I was thinking painful."
"Oh..I was thinking awkward.." --Will and me on the Octopus

Emma F and I going on the little kid-ish rides.

Emma F and I deciding that we would be cool parents and ride the rides with our future children.

David photobombing everyone.

The Ferris Wheel. 'Nuff said.

Playing "Zombie Farm" in the sitting area in the goat barn.

Teaching Micah and Mitch how to show goats.

DJ and I attempting to meet up...and failing epically.

Me trying to find Kiba whilst on the phone with him and discovering he was no more than ten feet away.