*ahem*

I honestly hate to sound like a begger. Or peddler. Or... something awful.

However.

I recently applied for ads on my blog. They have since appeared. I know ads are obnoxious and can sometimes take away from the atmosphere of a blog. My readers who have been around for a while know I try hard to create a certain atmosphere in my blog that can be tricky to maintain (thus the reason why I often make drastic changes in the formatting).

However.

I am a poor college student and would like to make a teensy bit of extra money. I'm not asking you to click the ads every time you're on the blog. But, if you're reading, and there's an ad that looks kinda cool or something I would appreciate a click now and then. And this is the last time I will post about the ads.

Have a blessed week!

My Savior Lives.

And when the Sabbath was past, Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James, and Salome, had bought sweet spices that they might come and anoint Him. And very early in the morning the first day of the week, they came unto the sepulcher at the rising of the sun. And they found the stone rolled away from the sepulcher. And they entered in, and found not the body of the Lord Jesus. And it came to pass, as they were much perplexed thereabout, behold, two men stood by them in shining garments: and they were affrighted. [The men] said unto the women, Be not affrighted. Why seek ye the living among the dead? Ye seek Jesus of Nazareth, which was crucified. He is not here, but is risen: remember how he spake unto you when he was yet in Galilee, saying, the Son of man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, and be crucified, and the third day rise again. And go quickly, and tell His disciples that He is risen from the dead. And they went out quickly, and fled from the sepulcher; for they trembled and were amazed: neither said they any thing to any man; for they were afraid. But Mary [Magdalene] stood without at the sepulcher weeping. She turned herself back, and saw Jesus standing, and knew not that it was Jesus. Jesus saith unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? Whom seekest thou? She, supposing Him to be the gardener, saith unto Him, Sir, if thou have borne Him hence, tell me where thou hast laid Him, and I will take Him away. Jesus saith unto her, Mary. She turned herself, and saith unto Him, Rabboni; which is to say, Master. Jesus saith unto her, touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father, but go to my brethren, and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father, and your Father; and to my God, and your God. Mary Magdalene came and told the disciples that she had seen the Lord, and that He had spoken these things unto her. And they, when they had heard that He was alive, and had been seen of her, believed not. Now, when they were going, behold, some of the watch came into the city, and shewed unto the chief priests all the things that were done. And when they were assembled with the elders, and had taken counsel, they gave large money unto the soldiers, saying, say ye, His disciples came by night, and stole Him away while we slept. And if this come to the governor’s ears, we will persuade Him, and secure you. So they took the money, and did as they were taught: and this saying is commonly reported among the Jews until this day. And they, when they had heard that he was alive, and had been seen of her, believed not. After that he appeared in another form unto two of them, as they walked, and went into the country. And they went and told it unto the residue: neither believed they them. Then the same day at evening, being the first day of the week, when the doors were shut where the disciples were assembled for fear of the Jews, came Jesus and stood in the midst, and saith unto them, Peace be unto you. And when he had so said, he shewed unto them his hands and his side. Then were the disciples glad, when they saw the LORD. Then said Jesus to them again, Peace be unto you: as my Father hath sent me, even so send I you. But Thomas, one of the twelve, called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came. The other disciples therefore said unto him, We have seen the LORD. But he said unto them, Except I shall see in his hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe. And after eight days again his disciples were within, and Thomas with them: then came Jesus, the doors being shut, and stood in the midst, and said, Peace be unto you. Then saith he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side: and be not faithless, but believing. And Thomas answered and said unto him, My LORD and my God. Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed. Then the eleven disciples went away into Galilee, into a mountain where Jesus had appointed them. And when they saw him, they worshipped him: but some doubted. And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. So then after the Lord had spoken unto them, he was received up into heaven, and sat on the right hand of God. And they went forth, and preached every where, the Lord working with them, and confirming the word with signs following. And they worshipped him, and returned to Jerusalem with great joy: And were continually in the temple, praising and blessing God.

[compiled using verses from Matthew 24, Mark 16, Luke 24, and John 20]

We Walk By Faith

Words honestly can't describe the joy that fills my heart. I serve a God of miracles. A God of second (and third, fourth, fifth, sixth, and on) chances. A God who doesn't give up on even the vilest sinner. A God who is willing to wash clean whoever comes to Him. A God of mercy, grace, and peace. A God who cries when I cry and rejoices when I rejoice. A God who has walked beside me through every moment of my life, and carried me through the worst. Whenever I have broken down in tears of pain and sorrow, He was right there, embracing me. He has held me, my family, and so many others I know together when we thought we would fall into pieces.

I'll be honest. Sometimes, it is really, really hard to remember that God is there. That He cares. That He has the best in mind. But believing in God isn't what makes Him exist. Whether or not we feel like He is there or loves us, He continues doing so. He continues to exist, just as He always has. Since before time even existed. He continues to love us as only He can. He continues to pour grace and mercy onto our sinful selves. He never gives up. He keeps working on. Even when one of us completely, fully, and outrightly rejects Him.

Never.

For months, my prayers have often centered around someone who has a special place in my heart. He was my first best friend, we've been tight since we were tiny. Sure, there have been spans of time where we were at odds, where we didn't get along. But I love him all the same. We all make mistakes. We're all sinners. He's my not-so-little-anymore brother. And I love him so much. He has made me cry more than once. And today, I cry the happiest of tears for him. Because not only is he my brother by blood, he is my brother in Christ.

Friends, prayer works. God is real. He is listening. Always. He knows your pain and sorrow. He knows your joy and triumph. He cares for you. He cares for the lost. The broken. The hurting. He has His arms wrapped around you. He is whispering to you. "Wait, my child. Wait. Better days are coming. Wait on Me. Serve Me, worship Me and love Me. I am working everything for the best. And I love you."

Lean on God. He will give you peace, hope, and joy. He is your rock. Your fortress. Your mainstay. Your present help in time of trouble. 

When it feels like God has forgotten you, please remember that He hasn't. He knows your suffering, your pain. He sees the hurt you hold inside. He longs for the lost to come to Him even more than you do. Don't stop praying. Don't stop having faith. We may not always see what God is doing, but we can know that He is doing something amazing. 

If someone close to you is lost, or has strayed away from God don't give up on them. God never once gave up on you or that person. And He has no intentions of doing so.

For we walk by faith, not by sight

2 Corinthians 5:7

Hrrrmmm...

I'll admit, I have not been very prudent in blogging recently. I did say before that I'd likely only be able to post once a month for a while. I posted last month. Here's my post for this month. Let's see how this goes. Ready? Yeah, me neither.

It's hard to believe I'm already through five weeks of my second semester of college. I honestly don't know how to describe these past weeks. Life has been one thing after another. As it always is. 

It might be the time, or the fact that I have been feeling like crud (physically) all day, but I'm not entirely sure what to write. There's so much I could say about these five weeks.

Studying is good for you. It gets you As and Bs.

When you've had a super stinky day that's messed with your emotions, it's okay to take an evening for you. Go off campus with a close friend. Drink coffee at Starbucks. Bring your homework and work on it. But it's okay to get distracted by Facebook, Grooveshark, and YouTube. When you've spent nearly every night for the past five weeks doing some sort of homework, you deserve a night off.

Space is good.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Forgive, forgive, forgive.

Communicate. Seriously. Just do it. I know. It's hard. But not doing so is even worse. Cause it hurts. like. heck.

Be honest.

Find something funny and laugh at it. It feels amazing.

Enjoy the people God gave you that love you. They're there for a reason.

Love like crazy.

Don't forget your devotions. Every day, time with God. You need it. Desperately.

The State of Creation

Being at home these past weeks has taught me much more than I thought it would. I have come to a stinging, painful realization. It’s something I’ve always known. But I don’t think I’ve ever seen it in the ways I’ve seen it these weeks at home. And it hurts so much.

I am now more aware than ever that this world and every person in it is sick, twisted, desolate, hopeless, and completely and facing the perils of eternal damnation.

I will admit, I can be a bit of a “head in the sand” type of person about this (I know, weird for a counseling major). I am aware of the pain. But I try to fool myself into thinking it “can’t be that bad.”

Friends… it is that bad.

I’d like to think that what I say and do on my own could make it all better. And then I won’t have to watch people I grew up with fall to pieces.

Friends… nothing I do in my own strength can do that.

The most sobering reality today is that people are dying and going to Hell today.

Dr. Bob Jones III

When I look into people’s eyes, it’s as if I can feel every ounce of pain they hold in their hearts. Even when they’re smiling.

For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth

 in pain together until now.

Romans 8:22

No one has escaped the pain of being removed from fellowship with God. No one.

The truth is, every single person on earth deserves suffering and death. And deep in our hearts, every single person knows this.

We have spit in the face of God. We treat Him like trash. Like He does not deserve our love.

Friends… that is the least He deserves.

We should be standing in complete awe at His majesty. And what do we do? We laugh at it. We turn away and live our selfish, broken lives pretending to be happy.

The reason for our suffering all goes back to our sin. Our rejection of God. We have mortal bodies because we chose to directly disobey and defy God. Thus, we are broken. And thus, ultimately, we deserve eternal suffering in Hell. This is our punishment.

But guess what?

Despite everything we’ve done, every sin we’ve committed, every time that we have taken God’s love and thrown it in His face… despite all of that along with the fact we do not even deserve to be breathing right now, plus more, God still loves each and every one of us with an unheard-of, amazing, awesome, and healing love.

How ungrateful are we?

When was the last time you sincerely thanked God? And then went out and lived like you meant it?

Or maybe you’ve completely stopped believing in Him. Maybe you’ve turned to other things to satisfy you.

Drugs, alcohol, smoking, food, sports, lovers, movies, music, money, jobs… anything you love, treasure… you name it! Guess what that does to permanently heal you?

Absolutely nothing. None of it can fill the seemingly bottomless hole in your heart.

Guess Who can fill that hole?

God can.

If you own a Bible, I would ask that you take the time to read the book of Romans. Specifically, go through the following verses in the order I give them. And take your time. Discover what they truly mean. Ask yourself how they apply to you.

Romans 3:23

Romans 6:23

Romans 5:8

Romans 10:13

Romans 10:9, 10

If you don’t own a Bible, get in touch with me. I will make sure you become the owner of a New Testament as soon as possible.

You. Yes, you. If you’re still with me, please… stay just a little bit longer. Read on for just a little bit more.

If you are reading this and you don’t truly know Jesus, or you’re doubting, or you want to draw closer to Him, I know the pain you are feeling. Everyone does. We are all living or have lived in that kind of pain. But we don’t have to.

You know that burden you carry that’s as big as the world and twice as heavy?

Jesus wants to take that away.

He wants to heal the wounds you bear. He will not reject you. No matter how much you’ve rejected Him.

Run straight into His loving arms.

They’re wide open.

Waiting for you.

Semester One. Status: Completed

Wow. There are no other words.

Well, actually, there are. But that doesn’t sound as cool. J

I may have said this before, but this semester was vastly different from how I expected it. But that’s okay. It was a good different. I was met with huge challenges, but you know what they say…

The harder the fight, the greater the victory.

I learned so many lessons; I can’t even begin to pin down all of them. But there is one in particular that sticks out to me as I am on my journey home. That lesson is the one that God has patiently taught me over and over and over again.

I am unbearably weak on my own.

There was so many times these past few months where I just wanted to give up. I was done. I kept questioning… wondering… was all this pain worth it?? Let me tell you: it is. Every single ounce of pain that you endure is completely and utterly worth it. I’m not saying you should purposely put yourself through emotionally painful experiences. But when God chooses to place that pain in your life, don’t mope. Don’t throw yourself a pity party. And most definitely do not give up. God will never give you more than you can handle.

I can’t even begin to say how weak I’ve often felt. I am in a constant state of weakness. I will fully and completely admit it: there is no way at all that I could ever do this on my own. None. Whatsoever.

But somehow, I’ve continued on. Every day, I got out of bed, got dressed, went to class, went to meals, and studied. On Sundays, I went to church. On Wednesday nights and every other Thursday nights, I went to outreach. I kept moving. I kept smiling. I kept living.

How?

Even though I am young, I grow tired oh-so-easily.

I am small and weak.

But Jesus loves me.

And this I most confidently know.

And guess what?

The joy of the Lord is my strength.

I waited on Him.

He mounted me up on wings as eagles.

I ran, and was not weary.

I walked, and I did not faint.

Last Wednesday morning was the next to last day of finals. I only had one final that day, and it wasn’t until mid-afternoon. I decided to go to bed “early” and “sleep in” until about 8:30. I would get up, study until chapel, go to student body chapel and lunch with my best friend, then come back to my dorm and study some more until my final.

I didn’t get to bed until midnight. My alarm went off at 8:00. I hit what I thought was the snooze button, rolled over and fell asleep… until 9:30. I literally rolled out of bed, and half-stumbled, half-crawled over to where my laptop was. As I sat there, on the floor, I could barely move. I managed to start up my laptop and pull up my e-mail. But all I could think was: how on earth am I going to get moving, much less make it through this day?? Waiting for me was an e-mail from my mom. As I read it, I could no longer contain myself. Tears began to stream down my face. They were both the sweetest and bitterest tears I have cried in a while. And I’ve cried a lot recently. I cried for the joyful news and encouraging message my mom’s e-mail contained. I cried for the overwhelming reality that I would be home in just three short days. I cried for weak state I was in.

And I did the only other thing I could do.

I cried out to Jesus.

I poured out my heart. I begged for strength. For Him to lift me up in His mighty arms. To sustain me through the two last days of finals that loomed over my head.

There are so many times I try to do things on my own. I try to go on my own strength. But all too quickly, I realize that I can’t. God has used my relatively small size and the physical challenges He has allowed to cross my path to patiently teach me this hard lesson over and over and over again. Every day, I have a decision to make: to go in my own strength or to go in God’s. I can rejoice in that I have been choosing God’s strength more and more each day. And if I ever start straying, start going in my own strength, I know I will only need a small reminder of not only this finals week, but also this entire semester. The only reason I made it through my very first semester of college is because God saw fit to lead me through. The only reason I was even at Bob Jones University this semester is because of God’s merciful and gracious provision.

The joy of the Lord is my strength. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. All things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. Rejoice in the Lord always again I say rejoice. Cling to Jesus like a hamster on a finger. The Lord is my strength and my song.

Oh yeah. That final? Went much better than expected. Finals week? Way better than expected. I’m conquering this first semester with a 3.0 GPA. And the only way that happened was because God sustained me. It’s not about me: it’s about Him.

I am a Sinner. Needing a Savior.

I was wounded
But He has healed me.

I was broken
But now I am made whole.

My pain is great.
His arms are greater.

My struggle is big.
He is bigger.

My fears are crippling.
His peace is strengthening.

Who can I turn to?
Where can I go?

I have nowhere else better
Than the arms of my Lord.

My soul aches for eternity. 

My heart longs to see His face.

I was created.

For so much more than this.

My soul is eternal.

My body is mortal.

Someday soon

I'm going home.