A Matter of the Heart

Those who have been following my blog for quite some time know that last summer was one of huge lessons and hard-earned victories in Christ. One of the biggest obstacles I overcame was that of protecting my heart. This was and has been a constant battle in my life. Ever since I was little, I have dreamed about falling in love. I am in love with the idea of being in love. I have come so far and I am so thankful for God's patience and grace as I learn and grow in Him. But lately God has shown me I still have a ways to go.

With college coming up in little over a month, I find myself entering a new phase of life. One where I will be doing a hundred million things I've never done before. I'll have new freedoms, new rules, and new lessons to learn. I've been blessed with the great opportunity to "meet" and interact with some of my fellow BJU freshman in a Facebook group. I have already made some amazingly wonderful friends. I can't wait for the day I'll be able to meet them in person.

But it was here that God showed me that I still have much to learn in the area of protecting my heart. I knew the guys at BJU were going to be amazing, wonderful Christian guys who would bless ms. But having had the privilege of chatting with and getting to know a few of these guys has made realize just how true this is. Already the are blessing me. It's been wonderful to know that I will have wonderful Christian sisters AND brothers with whom I will form lasting friendships.

But at the same time, I've been stumbling. I've always wondered if I would meet Mr. Right at BJU, and lately this has been seeming more and more possible. Instead of concentrating on falling more and more in love with my Savior, I've been thinking about my Mr. Right. I've been wondering who he is, what he looks like, and how we'll meet. Now, it's okay to wonder these things, but I have been consumed with these thoughts.

Ever since Saturday, God has been pressing on my heart to let it go and let Him have full control. But I've been stubborn. I'll be completely honest, I could easily spend weeks thinking and talking about finding Mr. Right and all that goes with it. But God doesn't want my thoughts to be consumed with that. He wants my thoughts and life to be consumed by Him. Someone recently made an interesting observation to ms. Anytime Christian couples told their love stories, there was one element of them that played over and over again. They did not find each other until they stepped back and said, "Okay, God. I'm not going to worry about finding the one I'm going to marry. It's all up to You. My life is in Your control. I want to fall completely and utterly in love with You.

Last night, I received an e-mail from my best friend who knows all top well about my struggles in this area. She started with this quote:

It is far more appealing, enchanting, and romantic 

to find a Godly woman who is lost in Jesus 

than one who is worried 

about finding the right guy to marry. 

But remember, 

our precious Jesus IS faithful, good, and overflowing with love. 

Trust Him.

written by a guy (Set Apart Girl Mag, May/June 2011)

As the e-mail went on, she pointed out how these thoughts of preoccupation with wondering who my Mr. Right is can become idols. As I read this, God whispered to me, "This is what you've been doing."

I felt so ashamed of myself. God (as He always is) was right. I was letting the idol of earthly love take first place. God should be the only One in the first place position in my life.

So I put Him there. I know it's going to take waking up every single morning and going to bed every single night determining to put God first, but it's the most necessary thing in the world. As each day goes by, I want to fall more and more in love with my Heavenly Savior. He is my One and Only, my All in All, my life, my everything.

Whom have I in Heaven but Thee? 

And there is none upon the earth 

that I desire beside Thee. 

My flesh and my heart faileth: 

but God is the strength of my heart, 

and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:25-26