We Walk By Faith

Words honestly can't describe the joy that fills my heart. I serve a God of miracles. A God of second (and third, fourth, fifth, sixth, and on) chances. A God who doesn't give up on even the vilest sinner. A God who is willing to wash clean whoever comes to Him. A God of mercy, grace, and peace. A God who cries when I cry and rejoices when I rejoice. A God who has walked beside me through every moment of my life, and carried me through the worst. Whenever I have broken down in tears of pain and sorrow, He was right there, embracing me. He has held me, my family, and so many others I know together when we thought we would fall into pieces.

I'll be honest. Sometimes, it is really, really hard to remember that God is there. That He cares. That He has the best in mind. But believing in God isn't what makes Him exist. Whether or not we feel like He is there or loves us, He continues doing so. He continues to exist, just as He always has. Since before time even existed. He continues to love us as only He can. He continues to pour grace and mercy onto our sinful selves. He never gives up. He keeps working on. Even when one of us completely, fully, and outrightly rejects Him.

Never.

For months, my prayers have often centered around someone who has a special place in my heart. He was my first best friend, we've been tight since we were tiny. Sure, there have been spans of time where we were at odds, where we didn't get along. But I love him all the same. We all make mistakes. We're all sinners. He's my not-so-little-anymore brother. And I love him so much. He has made me cry more than once. And today, I cry the happiest of tears for him. Because not only is he my brother by blood, he is my brother in Christ.

Friends, prayer works. God is real. He is listening. Always. He knows your pain and sorrow. He knows your joy and triumph. He cares for you. He cares for the lost. The broken. The hurting. He has His arms wrapped around you. He is whispering to you. "Wait, my child. Wait. Better days are coming. Wait on Me. Serve Me, worship Me and love Me. I am working everything for the best. And I love you."

Lean on God. He will give you peace, hope, and joy. He is your rock. Your fortress. Your mainstay. Your present help in time of trouble. 

When it feels like God has forgotten you, please remember that He hasn't. He knows your suffering, your pain. He sees the hurt you hold inside. He longs for the lost to come to Him even more than you do. Don't stop praying. Don't stop having faith. We may not always see what God is doing, but we can know that He is doing something amazing. 

If someone close to you is lost, or has strayed away from God don't give up on them. God never once gave up on you or that person. And He has no intentions of doing so.

For we walk by faith, not by sight

2 Corinthians 5:7

Hrrrmmm...

I'll admit, I have not been very prudent in blogging recently. I did say before that I'd likely only be able to post once a month for a while. I posted last month. Here's my post for this month. Let's see how this goes. Ready? Yeah, me neither.

It's hard to believe I'm already through five weeks of my second semester of college. I honestly don't know how to describe these past weeks. Life has been one thing after another. As it always is. 

It might be the time, or the fact that I have been feeling like crud (physically) all day, but I'm not entirely sure what to write. There's so much I could say about these five weeks.

Studying is good for you. It gets you As and Bs.

When you've had a super stinky day that's messed with your emotions, it's okay to take an evening for you. Go off campus with a close friend. Drink coffee at Starbucks. Bring your homework and work on it. But it's okay to get distracted by Facebook, Grooveshark, and YouTube. When you've spent nearly every night for the past five weeks doing some sort of homework, you deserve a night off.

Space is good.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Forgive, forgive, forgive.

Communicate. Seriously. Just do it. I know. It's hard. But not doing so is even worse. Cause it hurts. like. heck.

Be honest.

Find something funny and laugh at it. It feels amazing.

Enjoy the people God gave you that love you. They're there for a reason.

Love like crazy.

Don't forget your devotions. Every day, time with God. You need it. Desperately.

The State of Creation

Being at home these past weeks has taught me much more than I thought it would. I have come to a stinging, painful realization. It’s something I’ve always known. But I don’t think I’ve ever seen it in the ways I’ve seen it these weeks at home. And it hurts so much.

I am now more aware than ever that this world and every person in it is sick, twisted, desolate, hopeless, and completely and facing the perils of eternal damnation.

I will admit, I can be a bit of a “head in the sand” type of person about this (I know, weird for a counseling major). I am aware of the pain. But I try to fool myself into thinking it “can’t be that bad.”

Friends… it is that bad.

I’d like to think that what I say and do on my own could make it all better. And then I won’t have to watch people I grew up with fall to pieces.

Friends… nothing I do in my own strength can do that.

The most sobering reality today is that people are dying and going to Hell today.

Dr. Bob Jones III

When I look into people’s eyes, it’s as if I can feel every ounce of pain they hold in their hearts. Even when they’re smiling.

For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth

 in pain together until now.

Romans 8:22

No one has escaped the pain of being removed from fellowship with God. No one.

The truth is, every single person on earth deserves suffering and death. And deep in our hearts, every single person knows this.

We have spit in the face of God. We treat Him like trash. Like He does not deserve our love.

Friends… that is the least He deserves.

We should be standing in complete awe at His majesty. And what do we do? We laugh at it. We turn away and live our selfish, broken lives pretending to be happy.

The reason for our suffering all goes back to our sin. Our rejection of God. We have mortal bodies because we chose to directly disobey and defy God. Thus, we are broken. And thus, ultimately, we deserve eternal suffering in Hell. This is our punishment.

But guess what?

Despite everything we’ve done, every sin we’ve committed, every time that we have taken God’s love and thrown it in His face… despite all of that along with the fact we do not even deserve to be breathing right now, plus more, God still loves each and every one of us with an unheard-of, amazing, awesome, and healing love.

How ungrateful are we?

When was the last time you sincerely thanked God? And then went out and lived like you meant it?

Or maybe you’ve completely stopped believing in Him. Maybe you’ve turned to other things to satisfy you.

Drugs, alcohol, smoking, food, sports, lovers, movies, music, money, jobs… anything you love, treasure… you name it! Guess what that does to permanently heal you?

Absolutely nothing. None of it can fill the seemingly bottomless hole in your heart.

Guess Who can fill that hole?

God can.

If you own a Bible, I would ask that you take the time to read the book of Romans. Specifically, go through the following verses in the order I give them. And take your time. Discover what they truly mean. Ask yourself how they apply to you.

Romans 3:23

Romans 6:23

Romans 5:8

Romans 10:13

Romans 10:9, 10

If you don’t own a Bible, get in touch with me. I will make sure you become the owner of a New Testament as soon as possible.

You. Yes, you. If you’re still with me, please… stay just a little bit longer. Read on for just a little bit more.

If you are reading this and you don’t truly know Jesus, or you’re doubting, or you want to draw closer to Him, I know the pain you are feeling. Everyone does. We are all living or have lived in that kind of pain. But we don’t have to.

You know that burden you carry that’s as big as the world and twice as heavy?

Jesus wants to take that away.

He wants to heal the wounds you bear. He will not reject you. No matter how much you’ve rejected Him.

Run straight into His loving arms.

They’re wide open.

Waiting for you.

Semester One. Status: Completed

Wow. There are no other words.

Well, actually, there are. But that doesn’t sound as cool. J

I may have said this before, but this semester was vastly different from how I expected it. But that’s okay. It was a good different. I was met with huge challenges, but you know what they say…

The harder the fight, the greater the victory.

I learned so many lessons; I can’t even begin to pin down all of them. But there is one in particular that sticks out to me as I am on my journey home. That lesson is the one that God has patiently taught me over and over and over again.

I am unbearably weak on my own.

There was so many times these past few months where I just wanted to give up. I was done. I kept questioning… wondering… was all this pain worth it?? Let me tell you: it is. Every single ounce of pain that you endure is completely and utterly worth it. I’m not saying you should purposely put yourself through emotionally painful experiences. But when God chooses to place that pain in your life, don’t mope. Don’t throw yourself a pity party. And most definitely do not give up. God will never give you more than you can handle.

I can’t even begin to say how weak I’ve often felt. I am in a constant state of weakness. I will fully and completely admit it: there is no way at all that I could ever do this on my own. None. Whatsoever.

But somehow, I’ve continued on. Every day, I got out of bed, got dressed, went to class, went to meals, and studied. On Sundays, I went to church. On Wednesday nights and every other Thursday nights, I went to outreach. I kept moving. I kept smiling. I kept living.

How?

Even though I am young, I grow tired oh-so-easily.

I am small and weak.

But Jesus loves me.

And this I most confidently know.

And guess what?

The joy of the Lord is my strength.

I waited on Him.

He mounted me up on wings as eagles.

I ran, and was not weary.

I walked, and I did not faint.

Last Wednesday morning was the next to last day of finals. I only had one final that day, and it wasn’t until mid-afternoon. I decided to go to bed “early” and “sleep in” until about 8:30. I would get up, study until chapel, go to student body chapel and lunch with my best friend, then come back to my dorm and study some more until my final.

I didn’t get to bed until midnight. My alarm went off at 8:00. I hit what I thought was the snooze button, rolled over and fell asleep… until 9:30. I literally rolled out of bed, and half-stumbled, half-crawled over to where my laptop was. As I sat there, on the floor, I could barely move. I managed to start up my laptop and pull up my e-mail. But all I could think was: how on earth am I going to get moving, much less make it through this day?? Waiting for me was an e-mail from my mom. As I read it, I could no longer contain myself. Tears began to stream down my face. They were both the sweetest and bitterest tears I have cried in a while. And I’ve cried a lot recently. I cried for the joyful news and encouraging message my mom’s e-mail contained. I cried for the overwhelming reality that I would be home in just three short days. I cried for weak state I was in.

And I did the only other thing I could do.

I cried out to Jesus.

I poured out my heart. I begged for strength. For Him to lift me up in His mighty arms. To sustain me through the two last days of finals that loomed over my head.

There are so many times I try to do things on my own. I try to go on my own strength. But all too quickly, I realize that I can’t. God has used my relatively small size and the physical challenges He has allowed to cross my path to patiently teach me this hard lesson over and over and over again. Every day, I have a decision to make: to go in my own strength or to go in God’s. I can rejoice in that I have been choosing God’s strength more and more each day. And if I ever start straying, start going in my own strength, I know I will only need a small reminder of not only this finals week, but also this entire semester. The only reason I made it through my very first semester of college is because God saw fit to lead me through. The only reason I was even at Bob Jones University this semester is because of God’s merciful and gracious provision.

The joy of the Lord is my strength. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. All things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. Rejoice in the Lord always again I say rejoice. Cling to Jesus like a hamster on a finger. The Lord is my strength and my song.

Oh yeah. That final? Went much better than expected. Finals week? Way better than expected. I’m conquering this first semester with a 3.0 GPA. And the only way that happened was because God sustained me. It’s not about me: it’s about Him.

I am a Sinner. Needing a Savior.

I was wounded
But He has healed me.

I was broken
But now I am made whole.

My pain is great.
His arms are greater.

My struggle is big.
He is bigger.

My fears are crippling.
His peace is strengthening.

Who can I turn to?
Where can I go?

I have nowhere else better
Than the arms of my Lord.

My soul aches for eternity. 

My heart longs to see His face.

I was created.

For so much more than this.

My soul is eternal.

My body is mortal.

Someday soon

I'm going home.

Rejoice.

These past few weeks have been trying. I'm facing challenges I've never faced before. I'm experiencing new things I've never done before. My comfort zone has been stretched to the max. So has my stress zone. I have been met with things I simply cannot understand. I've cried. A lot. I've come to the end of some days wondering if it would even be worth it to wake up in time for class the next morning. I've asked many a time: "What on earth am I doing here??" I've fallen to my knees, unable to control my sobs, begging God to show me why. Begging Him to just get me out of here! To take me far away from my trials and put me in a place where everything is happy and I don't have to worry about drama, or grades, or people I love who have turned their hearts fully against God. I want a perfect world where History of Civ and English 102 don't have to be taken, where friends are always true friends, and everyone loves Jesus. 

I beg God to do something amazing. Something that will GET ME OUT OF THIS PLACE! The place where I'm hurting and confused and going through I trial I frankly would rather not experience.

But if I had my perfect world, would everything really be perfect?

I know that sounds like an odd question, but think about it. If you had everything you wanted and your life was the exact utopia you wanted, would you really be satisfied? Sure, for a couple of days everything would be wonderful! But after a while, things would be boring and lose their shimmer and shine. Perfection would not be as perfect as you thought it was.

As I've gone through especially the past two weeks, God has been telling me the same thing over and over and over again. And on Sunday night, I finally fully and completely got it.

I must rejoice in the Lord always in everything for the joy of the Lord is my strength.

As a Christian, I have every reason to be constantly rejoicing--even in my hardest times. I have been redeemed by the blood of Jesus Christ. I am rescued from an eternity of separation from God. I can praise His Holy Name because I am FREE! I can rejoice in Christ because I am reassured. Reassured that no matter what happens, no matter what tomorrow brings, ultimately, God will be glorified.

This Thanksgiving break, I will be pulling an exhaustive concordance off the shelf and brushing off the dust. And I am going to sit down with the concordance and my Bible and highlight as many verses as I can that address rejoicing. 

God wants for us to be joyful, even when it's hard. I can rejoice today knowing that even though my life may seem like a crazy mess, God is looking at the bigger picture. He can see the beautiful portrait He is painting of my life. Even if I don't get to see the answers to my questions this side of Heaven (and for many questions, I won't), I know that God is working out His Master Plan.

And let me tell you...

It's something amazing.

Rejoice in the Lord always: 

and again, I say 

Rejoice.

Philippians 4:4

God is Good {All the Time}

Psalm 139

O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.

 Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, 

thou understandest my thought afar off. 

Thou compassest my path and my lying down, 

and art acquainted with all my ways.

 For there is not a word in my tongue, 

but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether.

 Thou hast beset me behind and before, 

and laid thine hand upon me.

 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; 

it is high, I cannot attain unto it.

 Whither shall I go from thy spirit? 

or whither shall I flee from thy presence?

 If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: 

if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.

 If I take the wings of the morning, 

and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;

 Even there shall thy hand lead me, 

and thy right hand shall hold me.

 If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; 

even the night shall be light about me.

 Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; 

but the night shineth as the day: 

the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.

 For thou hast possessed my reins: 

thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.

 I will praise thee; 

for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: 

marvellous are thy works; 

and that my soul knoweth right well.

 My substance was not hid from thee, 

when I was made in secret, 

and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

 Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect;

 and in thy book all my members were written, 

which in continuance were fashioned, 

when as yet there was none of them.

 How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! 

how great is the sum of them!

 If I should count them,

 they are more in number than the sand: 

when I awake, I am still with thee.

 Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: 

depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.

 For they speak against thee wickedly, 

and thine enemies take thy name in vain.

 Do not I hate them, O LORD, that hate thee? 

and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee?

 I hate them with perfect hatred: 

I count them mine enemies.

 Search me, O God, and know my heart: 

try me, and know my thoughts:

 And see if there be any wicked way in me, 

and lead me in the way everlasting.

My God is Near

Make me know your presence Lord, the King of Glory here.
You know each thought and action, hope, anxiety and fear.
How can I hide from Thee?  Can darkeness hide iniquity?
Oh how can I unfaithful be, when You are very near to me?

When God is near, all the world seems far away.
When God is near, every fear is set aside.
When God is near, how can I stray? How can I falter?
I’ll stay upon the altar, I know my God is near.

Make me know Your presence Lord, when I feel so alone.
You know each trial and testing pain, the hurt that is unknown.
Oh, why can I not see Your hand so firmly guiding me?
Oh how can I untrusting be, when You are very near to me?

When God is near, all the world seems far away.
When God is near, every fear is set aside.
When God is near, how can I stray? How can I falter?
I’ll stay upon the altar, I know my God is near.