Saturday, June 9, 2012

Want vs. Need

God has blessed me richly in my life. Especially in the area of college.

I'm attending a spectacular Christian university that sets the standard in education. I had an incredible freshman year that, while was not without its trials, was also not without triumphs. My parents have been kind enough to pay for my tuition. I, in turn, pay for my textbooks and any other expenses I encrue.

For freshman year, I really wanted a job to help my parents with tuition. I'm fully aware college is not cheap, and I wanted to help in any way I could. My mom asked me to hold back at least a year so I could get my bearings with college life. So I respected her wishes and did so.

Towards the end of the school year, I started to determine where I wanted to work on campus starting the next semester. I was referred by a friend to the work supervisor for the school's snack and coffee shops. My work preference was the coffee shop, but I ended up in the snack shop where I was happy to be. Hey, I had a job, right??

But at the end of the semester, everything change. I received an e-mail from my new supervisor, stating that the school's food services were being outsourced. What did this mean for student workers? We may or may not have jobs for the next semester. I could've cried. Actually, I did. I had just landed a new job, and here I was set up to possibly already lose it!

So not fair.


After a series of e-mails I've received throughout this first month of summer, I finally received an e-mail this morning explaining the process for re-applying for jobs. I sent out a confirmation of interest e-mail just now. So now, I wait.

Every time I think about this, I'll admit, I get frustrated. Sometimes, okay, often, I question God's purpose in possibly taking away my job. I've struggled even at home to get a job. I put out tons of applications and got no response. I'm back working at my dad's office. This may not seem so bad, in fact, it's a good job in a great work environment. But it's been discouraging because I wanted to get a job because I went out and looked for it and offered myself for hire. Not because the boss is my dad. Even though someone was needed in my position.

It's a logic that can only be completely understood by independent minds like mine.

Constantly I've been questioning God. Asking Him, don't you want me to work?? You created me with the desire to do something so why all these barriers?

But the problem isn't with God.

The problem is always, 100% with me.

Because, as crazy as this sounds, maybe it's because I merely want a job. Do I need a job during the school year? I'm not paying my school bills. I have already become a master at saving 60+% on my textbooks. I don't really need to go to Starbucks or Genghis Grill so much (those things too often make fatter anyway). I don't need a whole lot of food in my dorm room (once again, enough of it will make me fatter. I'm on diet, people!!! The curse of the Freshman 15+). I eat in the dining common. The only time I truly need a job is for two reasons:

To keep me busy during summer and winter breaks.
To pay for textbooks.

Everything I need (three square meals a day, a place to sleep, and of course an education) is on campus and covered by my tuition cost.
Everything else is a matter of want.

So, whether God allows me to keep my job or not, I will not speak in respect of want, for I have learned and must continue to learn that whatever state I am in, I must be content. (paraphrase of Hebrews 13:5)

No comments:

Post a Comment